Saturday, January 19, 2013


My views on choices have changed drastically over the years. I remember as a kid wanting so badly for something to go a certain way, or wishing that I could just choose to do what I wanted to. Then I got older and had to start taking responsibility for my choices. At that point I wished that someone else could just make them again for me! Now I am seeing that there are always two main choices we have to make in any given situation: do we see the good things that are happening/will happen (God's perspective) or do we focus on the negative/"what could have been" (the world's perspective)?

After months of being told that everything was fine, my mom found out she had breast cancer, four days before Christmas. My Grampa is getting old (he turns 86 in March) and isn't getting along very well. Matt finished up school in a few months and will be looking for a job anywhere he can get one. Knowing the fact that this Christmas could be the last one where we were all together presented itself with a choice to be made. I opted to enjoy every moment of Christmas and not to think that it might be the last one like this.
I made it a point to enjoy every moment with each member of my family. We laughed and joked together, we hugged and held each other. I watched as true character came out in people. 

Mom found out her surgery would be scheduled on my birthday.

Here is what actually happened: 
On my birthday morning I woke up at 7:30. I spent half an hour chopping veggies and chicken and getting a meal in the crock-pot  Next I had to wake my kids up early and hurry them through breakfast and a bath. We headed out the door by 9 and were at the babysitter's house. At the hospital by 9:45 I sat in a waiting room filled with people. Dad came out of the pre-op room at 10 and we headed outside. By 11 we were back in the waiting room and there we sat until 12:40 when a nurse called us back to talk to the dr. We couldn't see mom for an hour so we headed out to the cat to process everything we had been told. 
Dad got called back into the recovery room at 1:30 and I sat in the waiting room by myself for half an hour. I got to back at 2 and we sat with mom until 2:30 when she was able  to go to her room. 
At 4:30 I headed home to see Matt and the kids. Gabriella hadn't gotten a nap so she was going back and forth between throwing fits and talking back. Matt wanted to take me out to dinner but Gabriella was too upset so we ordered out and took it home to eat. 
At 6:00 we were back at the hospital to check in on mom. By 7:30 we were home and Gabriella couldn't stop crying. There were no presents, no cake, no ice cream. Just two fussy kids who needed a bath and to go to bed. We put on a movie and got Gabriella calmed down. After a snack and a bath, both kids entertained each other while Matt and I sat on the couch and talked about our relationship. 
By 10:30 we were all in bed. 

Not exactly the birthday I had dreamed of...

Here is how I am CHOOSING to see the day:
I got to spend the day knowing that my kiddos were being loved on at their baby-sitter's house. Dad and I got to have a special breakfast together by ourselves. I also got to spend several hours chatting with my dad about anything and everything from gun laws to soap operas to houses to family. I got to have a birthday picnic at home with my special kids and handsome hubby. I was blessed to be able to spend the day being there for my parents and taking care of them, something they have spent their whole lives doing for me. 
I got to witness the love that my parents have for each other, the love that my siblings have for them, and the love that my parents continue to show to everyone. 
I am CHOOSING to feel blessed! 

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