Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Here is My Heart

"Here is my heart, here is my heart, here is my heart; You can have it all" ~ Kim Walker - Smith

This song is beautiful. Short, but beautiful. Did you know that the one thing Jesus truly wants is you? He wants all of us, even our broken, dirty and ugly parts. He wants all of our heart.

If it is so easy to place our heart, the most vulnerable and breakable part of us, in His hands then why do we hide it from everyone else?

All of us have been there. We've all had someone close to us break our heart. I've had mine broken by people who were supposed to be protecting it, so I get it. I know how it feels.

When we see each other in passing, or even talking longer at church,  usually the question comes up, "how are you doing?" And how do we respond 99.9% of the time? Good. Fine. Okay. But are we really?

Do we dare to say something more than one word in response to that question? Do we dare to say how we really are doing? And if you are the one asking, are you prepared for an honest response,  even if it is ugly and messy?

Our society has created an atmosphere of competition, appearances, false beauty, acceptable ways of feeling, and non personal ways of doing business. Social media has created an outlet to have relationships that are shallow and unrealistic. It is so easy to chat with someone online and then barely smile at them from across the room at church on Sunday. Ignoring and not responding to text messages and emails is commonplace; something that we do every day. But our grandparents would never dreamed of ignoring someone who spoke directly to them. It's like we have lost all sense of what a real relationship is.

We were created to live in community and to have relationships. The best ones are ones that are raw and real. They get messy and take effort. Something that has cost you nothing, is of little value to you. Now a relationship that you have fought for and defended and worked together in; that is one that will last because you are invested in it.

I'm so tired of keeping up appearances. It gets exhausting to always smile and look like you have it all together. Always saying that I am fine when I am falling apart on the inside, it gets exhausting. But when you get to that moment, that moment where you are truly broken inside, it is your choice to trust someone with that brokenness. 

Will they just hurt me again? Do I even want to bother risking the pain or should I just keep things superficial again? Do I believe that all people are mean and shallow, or do I believe the best in people? Do I look at the past, or do I look at Jesus in people?

Ghandi said, "be the change that you want to see in the world". So here it is: I'm choosing to bare my heart. I am doing this to start promoting openness,  love and heart connections with people. It has been too long that false smiles and pretty appearances have ruled my life. It doesn't mean that I am going to turn into a sobbing, whiny,  needy person. It means that I am believing Jesus in you, will protect my heart. And yes, I may get hurt again; but that same Jesus will be there to heal those hurts.

So if you ask me how I am doing, know that you won't get a one word answer from me, you will get a real and honest one. And when I ask you how you are doing, I am prepared for and expecting a real answer from you as well.

And I'll finish by saying this, "Here is my heart, you can have it all".

1 comment:

  1. Emily, This is an insightful and truthful essay and I really appreciated it. I am working on being able to really say how I am also and the people that love me still love me. Life is to precious to waste it by being unreal and I am finding being real is scary but a better way to be. (perfection is so overrated!). Hugs to you all, Cindy (Naomi's mom)