Totally Lost it

I lost it at church on Sunday. Like completely lost it. It was the crying, snotting, shaking kind of lost it. The kind of lost it where it was deeply needed.

Worship was great. I love worship. I love those moments where everything going on around me stops and it is just me and Jesus and all that matters is how much I love Him.

They started singing Hillsong's song "Forever Reign"

You are good, You are good
When there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in

 You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin

You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering

 You are joy, You are joy
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost its sting

 

Oh, I'm running to Your arms,
I'm running to Your arms.
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

 

You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim

 You are here, You are here
 In Your presence I'm made whole

You are God, You are God
Of all else I'm letting go

 

Oh, I'm running to Your arms
I'm running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

 

My heart will sing
 no other Name
Jesus, Jesus

 

Oh, I'm running to Your arms
I'm running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough

 

 

I made it to the first line and got swept away. Everything around me faded and there I was, standing before my Love

"Do you believe that?" He asked me. "Do you believe that I am your hope and that I am good?"
"Of course," I replied.
"Do you believe that even when you cannot see Me?"
"Yes, I do" I whispered.
He pulled me close, "because I am. Even when you cannot see Me, I am always there and I am always good and I am always light."

Around me the song was still being sung, in a powerful, declarative way by the rest of the church. They were singing, "Nothing compares to Your embrace" as I let Jesus completely surround me. I love His arms, the way He smells and the way He holds me so gently and so strong.

Then I looked down. At the moment He surrounded me, so did my two sweet little boys. And that is when I lost it. Those two sweet little faces with their arms wrapped so tightly around my legs while Jesus held us all.

Then Jesus whispered, as He showed me a vision of hundreds of children. "I want them for you. Please don't let the sorrow from these boys make you lose them."

At this point I was very aware of how much I was shaking and crying and snotting everywhere. I felt two hands on my shoulders from the sweet ladies behind me. I stood there with my Love and my two boys until the song ended. It was such a sweet, broken moment for the four of us. And I was glad that I lost it.

God wrecks us because He is good. He wrecks us to show us His strength and His love. The way I feel when I am completely lost in Him is the most found feeling I've ever had. And that is something you can only understand if you have been there. If you haven't, ask God for it. He loves to bring us back from the brink with His extravagant love. Remember, He doesn't put us at the brink, He loves to pull us back from it. He is always good!

My heart will sing no other name, Jesus!